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Worst Enemy at Work – or Best Ally? How to thrive alongside a Scary Specialist 🤨

Ever found yourself working with or for a Scary Specialist?

You know the type – brilliant, indispensable, but SO challenging to deal with! They’re the ones who know everything about a particular topic, and they’re not afraid to let you know it.

So, how do you turn this potential ‘worst enemy’ into your ‘best ally’?

Here’s the four steps you need to follow:

1️⃣ Raise Your Own Game

  • Step up your skills and knowledge. The Scary Specialist respects competence. Demonstrate your own commitment to excellence, and they’re more likely to see and respect you as a peer.

2️⃣ Speak Up, Don’t Suffer in Silence

  • If there’s an issue, voice it. Scary Specialists can be intense, but they also respect honesty and directness. Approach them with clear, constructive requests for what you want.

3️⃣ Boundaries Are Your Best Friend

  • It’s crucial to establish what you will and won’t tolerate. Be clear about your limits and communicate them confidently. Scary Specialists appreciate those who stand their ground.

4️⃣ Stay Connected

  • Keep building relationships within your team and the broader organisation. It not only prevents isolation but also offers you a wider perspective and support network.

Remember, a Scary Specialist doesn’t have to be your nightmare at work.

With the right approach, they can become an invaluable ally, helping you to new heights in your career.

📘If you want to go deeper into navigating workplace dynamics with various challenging personalities, please check out my new book, ‘The 9 Types of Difficult People’, recently published by Pearson and now in the WHS top 10 business books list. Look for the links below or in the sidebar.

And in my next article I’ll be looking at the type of difficult person closest to my own approach – the Dark Strategist 🤯

Mastering the Challenge of the Scary Specialist

The scariest person I ever worked for was a former UK table-tennis champion, then my regional GM.

She had a habit of giving you the hair-drier treatment at the same time as eating a crusty cheese roll. And I was struggling with a new appointment to an under-performing division.

We both knew what needed to be done. But the problem for me was how far and how fast that could happen. Not far or fast enough I realised, in between dodging the crumbs!

Nowadays I really like working with scary specialists like her.
🚀 Why NOT focus on being competent and driven and delivering the best that you can.

🛑 But what I also know now that I didn’t know back then, is that the hair-dryer approach isn’t always the best way of GETTING to that high-delivery place.

And there can also be a lot of collateral damage around a scary specialist. Good people won’t tolerate feeling threatened, belittled or locked-out for long – and will leave. Leading to a spiral of declining performance.

❓Who is or was the scariest person that you ever worked with?

❓And what should you do if you’ve got a scary specialist in your organisation?

Collateral damage is happening and performance isn’t improving. You might be tiptoeing around their threats while being told, “Go away; I’ll sort it!”

Focus on these three points:

  1. Sometimes, leaders of a scary specialist might find that their skills and competences are so essential that you need to ensure they only ever have the best people and the slickest of support functions around them.
  2. But more often, leaders will need to also become a little scarier themselves in this situation. To demand that this person develop new ways of managing – or else.
  3. Use their desire for competence to help. Demand that they develop skills which can also take their people from zero to 100. Not just manage well with an already high-functioning team.

If you’re working alongside or below a scary specialist, it can be an interesting experience! In my next article, I’ll look at issues around defending boundaries, raising your own game, and not becoming isolated in the process.

📚 For more insights into dealing with a scary specialist, please check out my book, The 9 Types of Difficult People. See the links below or in the sidebar.

And in the meantime – keep dodging those crumbs!

Maximising the Impact: How to Use ‘The Nine Types of Difficult People’ Effectively 📘

Improving workplace relationships can be tricky, especially when dealing with challenging personalities!

My book, ‘The Nine Types of Difficult People‘, is designed to be your guide through this maze. But how can you get the most out of it?

Here are some tips:

🔍 Understand the Layout

  • Chapter Two is Your Starting Point: It sets the foundation for the rest of the book. Start here to quickly understand my overall approach and how to apply it.
  • The Matrix of Difficult People: Took a look at this tool in the early chapters. It’s crucial for identifying and understanding the different types you might encounter.

🤔 Reflect on Your Situation

  • Identify Your Difficult Person: Use the matrix and descriptions to help pinpoint the type of difficult person you’re dealing with.
  • Context Matters: Consider your role in relation to the difficult person – are you their leader, colleague, or team member?

📝 Apply the Strategies

  • Tailored Approaches: Improving relationships works best with the right strategy. Find the chapter that corresponds to your identified type and explore that.
  • Practical Tips and Tactics: Implement the suggested strategies in your day-to-day interactions.

🔄 Iterate and Adapt

  • Not a One-Time Read: Your first pass through the book is great beginning and often leads to some useful quick-wins. Return to the relevant sections as your situation evolves.
  • Stay Flexible: Be prepared to adjust your approach as you learn more about the individual and the dynamics involved.

🔗 Connect the Dots

  • Beyond the Individual: Use the insights from the book to enhance the overall team dynamics and culture in your workplace.
  • Share Your Learnings: Discuss concepts from the book with colleagues to help build a more understanding, collaborative and effective working environment.

Dealing with difficult people is both a mindset and a skillset that can be easily developed. My book is here to guide you, and the real change happens through your application of these strategies in the real world.

Let’s make work a place where everyone can be at their best!

Nick Robinson

Were problems at OpenAI caused by Sam Altman being a ‘Difficult Revolutionary”?

In my new book, ‘The 9 Types of Difficult People’, I write about what can go wrong when someone who readily embraces change fails to bring all of their stakeholders along on the journey.

A Revolutionary is someone who:

★ Is usually a self-starting, enthusiastic person
★ Is great at discovering out new ideas and different approaches
★ Readily embraces change; and
★ Will push for fast and wide-ranging transformation regardless of its wider implications.

In the right circumstances, these are terrific qualities. But things can go wrong at work if this kind of person:

★ Exceeds the boundaries of what’s expected of them
★ Goes faster than their allies and supporters can deal with
★ Overlooks the slow and iterative political consensus building that other people often need before being ready to support and adopt new ideas.

At the time this article is published, there has been lots of coverage in the press about OpenAI founder Sam Altman’s firing by its board.

Altman’s career so far, his transition from selling Loop, joining Y Combinator and then to OpenAI, and the pace of change there, certainly share some of the characteristics of a Difficult Revolutionary that I’m looking out for.

According to The Guardian Sam Altman was fired because he “was not consistently candid in his communications with the board”. When staff warned that Altman’s departure could trigger OpenAI’s collapse, The Guardian reports, the board said this would “be consistent with the mission”.

Without knowing more about what’s happening behind those boardroom doors, we can’t say for sure if that failure to bring stakeholders along is exactly what’s happened here – but it looks like it might be!

☞ So, if you’re on the Board of an organisation with a Revolutionary at its helm, or if you’re a Revolutionary yourself, what should you do to create great working relationships?

🙃 More than anything, leaders of a Revolutionary need to be working hard to make sure that everyone is on the same page. Checking that their agendas are aligned, discussing what is and isn’t acceptable to aim for, and making sure the wrong bridges don’t get burned. That leadership is vital in keeping a Revolutionary’s efforts directed at the right common ground.

🙃 Revolutionaries themselves are often surprised that others don’t share all of their zeal. So my favourite tip for them is to learn the influencing, alliance- and consensus-building skills that will attract all their stakeholders to the cause.

Viva la revolución!

Here’s the link to The Guardian article referenced above:
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/26/the-guardian-view-on-openais-board-shake-up-changes-deliver-more-for-shareholders-than-for-humanity

 

Beyond the Monster Myth: Unraveling the Mystery of Difficult Leaders

The more people I spoke to about this leader, the more worried I got:

🔴 “Extremely difficult, scary and obstructive!”

🔴 “The department is haemorrhaging staff and managers.”

🔴 “Every time we try to change something, he blocks it!”

🔴 “You are literally our last attempt before we look at dismissal.”

By the time our first coaching session came around I was expecting to meet something of a monster.

But what I found was very different.

It seemed to me that here was a baffled and bewildered person. Someone in a demanding role, in challenging and shifting circumstances, trying their best to get good outcomes for their department’s clients. In the only way that they knew how.

As well as a slight concern that I was being played by this person, I left with lots of questions. How could there possibly be such a massive gap between what I thought – and the hugely negative experiences that other people were having? In the end, we coached together for six months and created some very positive change.

I got so curious about what was going on to create this kind of situation to start with that I ended up writing my first full-length book about it – The Nine Types of Difficult People.

If you’ve ever wondered how it could easier to help a difficult person themselves, or how the people around them can deal with what’s going on as quickly and effectively as possible, please check out the links below to discover more about the book and look around this website for other resources.

Grab yourself a copy at any good bookshop or online using these links:

Amazon:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1292726067

WH Smiths:
https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/the-9-types-of-difficult-people-how-to-spot-them-and-quickly-improve-working-relationships/nick-robinson/paperback/9781292726069.html

Waterstones:
https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-9-types-of-difficult-people-how-to-spot-them-and-quickly-improve-working-relationships/nick-robinson/9781292726069

Crumbs! I’ve only gone and had a book published …

Even though it’s been a massive part of my work for years now, deciding to write a book about how to deal with *difficult people* wasn’t easy.

My take is that almost everybody we find difficult is someone trying to do their best, in a situation they find very challenging, in what is often the only way they know how. So if you want to make a difference in that situation it has to involve a lot of soft compassion 𝒂𝒏𝒅 hard constructive challenge.

And that’s why I was so grateful to win the support of my agent Kizzy Thomson, editor Eloise Cook and the rest of the fantastic team at Pearson, who all really got what the book was about and the approach it needed to take.

Thank you to supporters, pre-publication reviewers and everybody who helped me over the last three years of putting this together. Individual thanks and copies are heading out as soon as.

The presses are rolling and my hope now is that a copy of my book drops into the hands of someone who needs it just at the right time.

Grab yourself a copy at any good bookshop or online using these links:

Bookshops:

Amazon:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1292726067

WH Smiths:
https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/the-9-types-of-difficult-people-how-to-spot-them-and-quickly-improve-working-relationships/nick-robinson/paperback/9781292726069.html

Waterstones:
https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-9-types-of-difficult-people-how-to-spot-them-and-quickly-improve-working-relationships/nick-robinson/9781292726069

The Golden Rule for Great Working Relationships

This week, I was due to write a smart article about how to avoid workplace conflict.

But the more I thought about, the more I realised that the first and most important step to having great working relationships is actually very straightforward.

So I drew this instead.

It’s what I often find myself saying (or wishing I had said) to clients who have got themselves into a hole at work and are still digging.

It’s what I often need to tell myself when I’m about to get defensive or annoyed by someone, or to do something thoughtless.

We all know this. it’s isn’t complicated and sometimes it really is this simple!

Better Team Communications

This is one of my favourite models to use if your team isn’t communicating that well

[Click the image above and then right-click to save or download a full-size copy]

You’ll know when you have poor team communication, because there are:

  • Disagreements and conflicts all over the place
  • Misunderstandings repeating time and again
  • Rising stress levels
  • Missed deadlines
  • Lower quality than usual.

Barnlund’s model, which dates back to the ’70s, is a great way to break down a team communication problem and start practising some better ways of understanding each other.

As you can see from the diagram, there are four stages:

  1. Active Listening
  2. Continuous Feedback
  3. Shared Meaning; and
  4. (checking for) Noise and Context.

Research shows that the benefits are:

  • A more interactive understanding, rather then a passive reliance on the communicator
  • An intention to share the meaning rather than impose it.

As always, the meaning of your message is in what is understood by someone, rather than in what you actually meant to say!

Please add your own tips for great team communications on Twitter (X!). Or say something about your own experience - e.g. when does team communication really shine, and when does it go wrong? Share on X

❖ And please share this post with your network ❖

What a Positive Workplace Culture Should Actually Be About

Positive culture isn’t about table football or pizza. It’s fixing what’s broken, owning mistakes, celebrating success, and offering help.

Managing Difficult Conversations at Work

Equip yourself to manage difficult conversations at work effectively and compassionately with this comprehensive step-by-step guide

Laying the Groundwork

Managing challenging conversations at work is a fundamental part of being a successful leader.

Why? Because it’s necessary for setting and maintaining behavioural standards, which in turn contribute to the happiness and effectiveness of your team.

The Imperative of Managing Difficult Conversations

Ignoring or tolerating unacceptable behaviours isn’t an option, as it inadvertently lowers the bar and breeds a culture of tolerance towards such behaviour.

However, let’s face it – conversations like these are never easy, especially for those of us who are sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.

But it’s important to understand that the lack of setting boundaries and calling out unacceptable behaviours often comes with a cost.

Making a Practical Difference

Here’s the good news – this guide aims to equip you with the framework needed to manage difficult conversations effectively and compassionately.

It will help you to deal with these issues in a manner that both respects your team members and protects the standards and values you wish to uphold in your workspace.

Here are the steps to take …

1. Preparation

Good preparation is the cornerstone of effective conversation

You need to come to the conversation well-prepared – gather your facts, identify your desired outcomes, and anticipate potential responses or issues. This level of preparation helps you address the situation confidently and objectively.

  • Example: If you’re discussing frequent lateness, prepare by documenting specific instances and how they have affected the team or project.

2. Location

The setting of your conversation can significantly impact its outcome

Choose a quiet, private space that is free from distractions. The right location can foster a conducive environment for a challenging conversation, making the other person more comfortable and receptive.

  • For example, a private meeting room is often more suitable than a bustling coffee shop for these discussions.

3. Role-Model Behaviours

Embody the professional standards you expect from others

Exhibit the behaviours you want to see in your team members, such as professionalism, composure, and positivity. Your attitude sets the tone for the conversation.

  • Example: Approaching the conversation calmly and professionally, regardless of the issue at hand, will encourage the same level of respect from your colleague.

4. Use Specific Examples

Clear, specific examples are crucial in addressing problem behaviours or poor performance

Avoid generalisations like, “You always do X.” Instead, provide concrete instances of the problematic behaviour. This approach enables the person to understand the exact issue.

  • Example: Instead of saying, “You’re always late,” say, “You arrived late for the team meetings on these specific dates, which caused us to delay our project discussions.”

5. Positive Illustrations

Offer a vision of improved behaviour or performance

After addressing the issue, provide examples of what improved behaviour looks like. This step helps to steer the conversation towards a more positive and constructive tone.

  • Example: You could say, ”In future, we would appreciate it if you arrived five minutes before our scheduled meetings to ensure we start on time.”

6. Agree a Plan

Set a clear and agreed-upon action plan and consequences

Create a joint action plan that specifies what needs to change, when, and how you will follow up. Explain what will happen if things don’t change. This establishes clear expectations and a mutual understanding.

  • Example: You might agree that the person will make an effort to arrive early for meetings, and you will check-in after a month to assess progress. Explain the consequences if this doesn’t happen.

7. Offer Support

Identify the support they might need from you

Ask what help they might need from you to implement these changes. Commit to providing the necessary support, demonstrating your investment in their improvement.

  • Example: If your team member is struggling with workloadmanagement, you might offer to help them prioritise tasks.

8. Going Deeper

Let’s dig a bit deeper. Consider your personal factors in handling difficult conversations. Who are your allies in this? What additional tools or resources might be helpful for you? Reflect on why it’s important for you to have this conversation.

Understanding the personal implications of these discussions can increase your resolve to address the issues and strengthen your ability to manage them effectively.

The Power of Effective Conversations

Tackling difficult conversations is a necessary challenge that every professional will face. The framework provided in this guide is designed to help you navigate these conversations with confidence, respect, and clarity.

Remember, your ability to manage challenging discussions effectively is not just about resolving issues— it’s about promoting a positive, respectful, and high-standard culture within your workspace.

Next Steps

Do you have a difficult conversation on the horizon? Don’t face it alone. Get in touch to discuss how you can prepare for and manage the conversation effectively, ensuring a positive outcome for both you and your team.

What's been your experience of managing difficult conversations at work? Please share your views and learning here: Share on X