Why People Become Difficult at Work
Adapted from my conversation with FM Magazine (AICPA & CIMA) for their leadership podcast series. Scroll down to listen to the podcast itself.
Most of us have found ourselves in tricky workplace situations — where relationships become strained, communication breaks down, or someone just seems difficult to deal with. It’s easy to label that behaviour as personality-driven, but the reality is more complex.
In my book The 9 Types of Difficult People, I talk about what I call the “perfect storm” of organisational factors that can make someone appear difficult to work with. These are pressures and patterns that, when combined, can turn even capable and well-intentioned people into challenging colleagues.
The Four Factors Behind Difficult Behaviour
When you look closely at what’s going on, there are usually four forces at play.
1. Everyday Stress and Pressure
The first is simply the everyday stresses and strains of working life — deadlines, uncertainty, change, and the constant demands to perform. Everyone has a natural way of responding when under pressure. I call this their Stress Strategy. It’s how they behave when they’re pushed outside their comfort zone, doing something unfamiliar, or when their confidence dips.
2. Positive Intention
Here’s the surprising truth: most “difficult” people don’t think they’re being difficult.
Ask them why they act the way they do, and you’ll often hear that they’re trying to do the right thing in a tough situation. In my language, that’s Positive Intention — the belief that one’s behaviour is justified and necessary. It’s a vital reminder that behind every difficult behaviour is someone doing their best to cope.
3. Self-Doubt and Imposter Feelings
Many people also carry a heavy load of self-doubt — the classic imposter syndrome. They fear being “found out” for not knowing enough, or that things will go wrong. These internal voices can amplify stress and lock people into defensive, unproductive habits.
4. Inflexible Approaches
Finally, there’s inflexibility — the tendency to keep doing things the way they’ve always been done, even when circumstances change. In today’s fast-moving organisations, that rigidity can quickly create friction with others.
When These Four Combine
When stress, self-doubt, rigid habits, and good intentions all collide, you often get someone who’s perceived as difficult— not because they want to be, but because they’re trapped in behaviours that no longer serve them or the team.
A More Useful Question
Rather than asking “Why are they being so difficult?” try asking:
“What might be happening for this person that makes them behave this way?”
That shift in perspective opens the door to compassion, curiosity, and better working relationships — the essence of great leadership.
🎧 This article is adapted from my interview on the FM Magazine Podcast: “Why People Are Difficult at Work.”
📘 It draws on insights from my book, The 9 Types of Difficult People: How to Spot Them and Quickly Improve Working Relationships (Pearson).
