FOMO, FOLS and FEAR

FOMO, FOLS and others; 20 common fears that will control your life and work if you let them

Fear is a very powerful motivator, a useful survival trait and a handy source of energy. But if you let your fear run the show entirely by itself and make your decisions for you, it has a nasty habit of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So that you don’t do that, here’s some of the most common fears I see in my coaching with people at work:

  1. FOMO: Fear of Missing Out
  2. FOLB: Fear of Lagging Behind
  3. FOLS: Fear of Looking Stupid
  4. FOMM: Fear of Making Mistakes
  5. FOSO: Fear of Standing Out
  6. FOTO: Fear of Telling Offs
  7. FOBO: Fear of Being Ordinary
  8. FOLD: Fear of Letting Down
  9. FOBI: Fear of Being Inadequate
  10. FOGO: Fear of Getting Overwhelmed
  11. FOBU: Fear of Being Unworthy
  12. FOSH: Fear of Suffering Hurt
  13. FOLC: Fear of Losing Control
  14. FOFI: Fear of Facing Isolation
  15. FOES: Fear of Extreme Success
  16. FOBR: Fear of Being Responsible
  17. FOGP: Fear of Gratuitous Praise
  18. FOSH: Fear of Seeking Help
  19. FOLR: Fear of Lacking Resources
  20. FORD: Fear of Regretting Decisions

Once you can see your fears for what they are – a useful mechanism for keeping you safe – then you can decide for yourself what to do with that information and, crucially, what is the bigger picture of what you actually want to have happen.

Fear is information without the cure
John le Carré

 


Great Minds Discuss Ideas

Why nobody cares about your status in the monkey house of work – and neither should you

Where you’ve got a group of people who are directly or indirectly dependent on each other for their needs, and when you can tell who does what and what their status is, then you’ve got a ‘Social Hierarchy’.

Social hierarchies guide behavior in many species, including humans, in many kinds of settings – domestic, work, and recreational. In each setting, the social hierarchy helps to define what’s considered the appropriate behaviour in that setting. Things as seemingly simple as how hard people work in your work-group are strongly influenced by the ‘social norms’ which form part of that hierarchy.
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What’s also really interesting is that research shows that people’s social status strongly predicts their well-being, morbidity, and even survival!

And it seems that our brains are hard-wired to do this. In 2008, human imaging studies identified the specific brain circuitry associated with social status. Researchers found that different brain areas are activated when a person moves up or down in a pecking order. Or even when they simply look at people perceived as being their social superiors or inferiors. Circuitry activated by important events responded to a potential change in hierarchical status as much as it did to winning money – reflecting its influential role in human motivation and health.


So it’s no surprise then, that a lot of our focus and attention at work is around other people. Who said what to who, who is doing what, who’s on their way up (or down). We cannot NOT think about how our standing in the social hierarchy is affected by the actions of other people and by the events around us.


But it’s very important to realise that this hard-wired aspect of our brains and behaviour is just a survival mechanism. It’s like we’re all really still a big troop of monkeys, and the most important thing we choose to do is just to make sure that the other monkeys aren’t going to abandon, ostracise or exploit us.

This is one reason why I love that quote from Eleanor Roosevelt in the picture above: “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people”.

Being like a kind of advanced troop of monkeys and spending all our time focussed on what other people say and do is not enough on its own. If you want to have real impact, monkey-stuff will not move things on, it will only serve to protect the overall social hierarchy. To create real progress or genuine individual advancement (which isn’t just “I win/you lose”), we need to move our focus beyond people and events, and into the realm of ideas.

Ideas which inspire new ways of doing things, which catch-on like wildfire, which disrupt the ‘norms’ – that’s where to look if you’re ready to stop just monkeying around.

What kinds of things might help you have your next great idea?


Leadership by Enablement

The four R’s of leading by enabling others: resources, reputation, resilience and range

I’m a big fan of leaders who make it their primary purpose to help other people get stuff done.

Download your copy of the image above (click and then right-click to save it) to see the big four R’s of leading by enabling others, together with some of my suggestions for how you might actually set about doing that.