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I had a fantastic time at two events this week.

One at the launch of the new integrated childrens’ and young peoples’ service in Trafford and the other at our latest IoD event at McCann Erickson in Prestbury.

I’d like to write more about both of those in a later post, and for now I want to comment on the contrast between my experience of the IoD event at McCann’s, which I got to chair, and one of the very first networking events I attended.

I still find it quite nerve-wracking to stand up in front of a room full of people, especially when you’re being listened to by the communications wizards at somewhere like McCanns. But I believe that it’s possible to make a real difference for business and business-people in my region, simply by getting people together in this way, creating something inspirational and helping them feel comfortable there. If I can remember that, then it’s usually enough now to banish any nerves I have as I step on the stage with a mic in my hands.

Compare that with how I remember feeling at one of the very first networking events I went to when I started coaching around 10 years ago. We met in the oak-panelled boardroom of a large company for coffee, pastries, chat and the usual powerpoint from the host company. Obviously I’d been to meetings like this before - but never because I was trying to get my own business going completely from scratch, and that just had me feeling as nervous as a bag of cats.

About halfway through the mingle, my nerves and the coffee sent me off to the toilet and, on the way back, I took a wrong turn. Somehow, instead of being back in the boardroom, I ended up in the atrium right next to the carpark. I was so nervous and embarrassed about getting lost that instead of finding my way back and finishing my danish I went out the fire exit, jumped in the car and drove home!

In the 1950s the psychologist George A Miller published research into peoples’ memory-span capacity - that is, how many ‘things’ can your working memory recognise at any one time?

Miller’s research showed the answer to be seven, plus or minus two; meaning that most of us will only succesfully be able to remember somewhere between 5 and nine things at the same time. Subsequent research puts the answer even lower - somewhere around four!

I like to use this information about how our minds work when I’m setting my priorities for the year ahead.

What I do each year is to set 3-5 key priorities for the year, the top one becoming my theme for the year. I’ve evolved this method over the last decade until it actually functions pretty well for me. It’s so much better to have a small working number of broad priorities, plus a defining theme, than to have a whole bunch of New Year’s Resolutions that you’ll never keep.

I started this year by planning to have 5 priorities, including my overall theme. I wrote them down initially in early-December and kicked them around for a while to see if they looked right. But when I went to tell my wife what they were after a week or so, I couldn’t remember one of them! What I’ve done now is to reduce that down to three priorities for 2009, including my overall theme. Here they are, then I’ll say a little about how I use them:

Nick’s Priorities for 2009:

I know some of those might not mean much to you, and I’ll probably write about them in later messages; the important thing is that they mean something to me. I actually have ‘SMART’ goals for each of them as well, but for now I just want to get over to you the idea of having a small number of priorities which you can easily carry around IN YOUR HEAD.

Here’s how I use them. Whenever I come to a decision point during my day, for example:

• “What should I do first?”
• “Do I go to that networking event this evening or not?”
• “I’ve got more/less money than I’d planned, what do I spend/cut-back on?”

…I then use my priorities and theme for the year to help decide.

I run them like a kind of ‘cascade’ - can the first thing I do be something towards my overall theme? If not, can it be towards my second priority? If I have to choose between one thing and another, which choice will most benefit my theme or one of my other priorities? When I’m managing my resources, how do I best marshal them towards my theme and other priorities?

Also, if you’re anything like me, you’ll have a number of baseline and unconscious priorities to factor in as well - things like not getting fired (unless you want to), taking care of your family, having great sex. I find it helps to let those priorities take care of themselves, as the drive is usually strong enough to assert itself!

So how about you?

If you had around four priorities for 2009, and maybe an overall theme, what might they be?

Depending on where and when you are as you read this, you may just have experienced either the longest or the shortest day of the year, over the Solstice on December 21st.

I sometimes find the solstice points a useful time to change the way I’m looking at or thinking or feeling about something that might be bothering me at work or in my life generally.

If there’s anything you are struggling or having problems with, see if these questions from my thoughts about the solstice have anything to say to you:

• at work, or in your life generally, how do you know what the season is right now? Are you paying attention to the evidence around you, the changes in the length of the day, the reactions of others, the results you’re getting (or not)?

• one part of the Earth is experiencing the dark of the shortest day, and another part is at the start of summer, with the longest day; some parts of your work are in the dark but some will be in the light - which are they and which most needs your attention?

• although winter and summer can seem so different, they are actually just two sides of the one world - in fact, in some parts of the world, the dividing line is not so clear anyway; what if your problems and opportunities were also one and the same, without always a clear distinction?

• the solstice reminds me that we’re clinging to the surface of this beautiful, spinning world, hurtling through vast space at thousands of miles an hour! That usually puts my small problems into perspective, how about you?

• seasons change and in six months I’ll be putting on sunscreen for the longest day instead of remembering to wear my warm hat for the shortest; how will things be for you in six months?

Hope that’s of some small use. Happy Holidays!

A quick and easy, bite sized message this week, and a simply inspiring workshop recommendation for January.

If you’re feeling like you’ve got too much to do before year-end, and you maybe can’t see a clear way through, I’ve got a quick-fix that just might ring your bell. And there’s a graph!

Maybe you’ve heard of the 80:20 rule or the Pareto Principle before? Pareto was an Italian economist studying the distribution of wealth back in 1897. Along with other subsequent academics, he observed that many things are not distributed equally.

So, for example, it may often be the case that the first 20% of your effort on a particular task will produce 80% of the desired result.

Or, if you have ten things to do, it may often be that the top two things together are four times as important as all the rest.

Conversely, if you’re ‘chasing the tail’, you may find that the last 20% of the results on a task take 80% of your effort.

If you click on the chart, you should be able to download a bigger version.
At this time of year it becomes so important to keep prioritising using the Pareto Principle:

• Select the most important 20% of tasks first
• Give them focus, but only for the first 20% of your effort, to get 80% of the result
• Move on to the next most important task.

Sometimes people are concerned that this is cheating, or that it will never produce a perfect result. Well, I have a newsflash for those people - look at the top-right tail-end of the chart - you’ll never produce a perfect result either, but while you’re fussing over getting something perfect, I’ll have produced four times as much as you and it’ll be 80% right!

How’d you like to be able to find your passion and follow it in 2009?

If you’d like to get 2009 off to a fantastic start, two of my friends who are extremely experienced at helping people do just that are running an unmissable workshop. It’s from 9th-11th of January at the inspirational Commonwork Conference and Study Centre in Kent. To find out more or to go right ahead and book a place, you might want to browse on over to www.redkitecoaching.com

See you next week,

Nick

Some readers might recall that in January last year, I said that I wanted 2008 to be my “Year of Living Dangerously“. Living Dangerously for me is about choosing to do the things that hold the most fear for me - in particular, those where I’m at risk of being rejected, of failing, of looking stupid or of getting hurt emotionally.

I’m pleased to report that I have been doing pretty well with this. Indeed, as you read this message I may well be on my way back from a fairly spectacular metaphorical crash’n'burn as a result.

I’m going to be presenting the results of a learning project and being assessed on it over the weekend and I have:

• picked a topic to present that is painfully close to me - how people can learn to not try to do everything on their own.
  During the project I did have a small go at asking for help myself along the way, but not nearly as much as I should have done. Pretty big risk here of looking very stupid at not taking my own advice and I am not looking forward to it! Living Dangerously points: 3/5

• instead of just using my mates as research guineau pigs, I had to go and research high-flying people that I didn’t know all that well. Risk of feeling rejected when I eventually get around to showing them the results = beyond red, into infra-red or whatever comes after that! Living Dangerously points: 4/5

• set the scope of the whole project waaaayy too big, because I really wanted to get my teeth into something meaty and which meant something personally to me. Risk of failing entirely - off the chart! Living Dangerously points: 4/5

• had a fundamental difference of opinion with my lead assessor about the methodology. I genuinely believe that this is not a ‘I’m right/they’re wrong’ thing, but I’m sticking to the methodology I chose anyway because I feel I have to be in charge of my own learning. Potential emotional hurt from disagreeing with someone who has power over you = high. Living Dangerously points: 4/5

So, on the whole not bad then. Now, will somebody remind me why I didn’t just play it safe?…

And how about you? What did you want for 2008, and how’s it going?

I’m driving at night along one of the many, twisting country lanes here in Cheshire and I catch up with a small car doing about 20-25 mph. There’s no moon, no streetlights - it’s dark. And from the driving style I would guess that the driver is a little nervous or maybe somewhat elderly. There’s no way to overtake on these narrow roads, so I drop right back, put the music on and relax.

Then we pass a car coming in the opposite direction and the driver in front of me turns their headlights OFF - completely! The oncoming driver flashes at them; so does the next one, and the one after that, and eventually they turn their lights back on. Then we pass another car - and the lights go off again.

I must have been behind this driver for about 5 or 6 miles, and for about 75% of that time they drove along in the dark with no lights. There was no way I could reach them to say something about what I was seeing and I had to turn off later in a different direction. I hope they got home safe and that so did all the drivers coming the other way.

So this experience raises an interesting metaphorical question for me.

In life, at work, if you see someone going along in the dark, and it seems like there’s no way you can talk to or reach them to let them know that they’ve got their lights switched off - what do you do?

I like helping people but finding people in the dark and not being able to communicate with them when I think I’ve got access to the light switch really frustrates me. But, having given it a lot of thought, it either means nothing OR it’s a signal to ME, that I’m somehow in the dark or unconscious about something. I thought about my driving that night; maybe I needed to examine my own driving for something I was doing unnoticed? But nothing came to light.

That drive is a journey that I make 3 or 4 times a month. There’s a stretch in between two wide-open fields where on a clear, starry night, the view can be breathtaking. I got home from my meeting to realise that I couldn’t remember that stretch; in fact, there wasn’t much of the drive home that I could remember. So, that was it, a theme of the moment for me I now realise, about being consciously present.

And how about for you? Do you notice any other people in the dark who you can’t quite reach? And what does that tell you about yourself?

This weekend we hosted our son’s sixth birthday party, with a robot theme.

And I discovered that having a house full of six-year-olds is an interesting time to examine your underlying beliefs about kids and to test out your influencing skills!

I was already in a kind of “isn’t the world wonderful; how great are these little six year-old balls of energy” kind of mood. And I think that mood really helped, so that when it all started to get really loud and to go slightly off plan I was more easily able to connect with the part of me that gets six year-olds.

As an experiment, I find it fascinating how the internal mood that I’m running has such an impact on my ability to influence people.

And talking of children, another interesting thing I’m part of at the moment is the Many Hands Campaign which is raising funds to support projects in the new Manchester Children’s Hospital, including accommodation for parents to stay in and new equipment for diagnosis and treatment.

The campaign is looking for companies and organisations who want to get involved and help raise funds. It’d be great if you or your organisation could also take part. As well as the benefits of getting involved, there are also great opportunities to come to unique events to network and meet inspirational speakers, including appeal spokesperson, Theo Paphitis, of TV’s Dragon’s Den. And, if that isn’t enough, the organisation who comes up with the most innovative way of raising funds also gets to win me for a day!

Please click here for all the details.

Had a fantastic couple of weeks, with yet another great holiday in North Wales, including the romantically beautiful Llanddwyn beach and Island - resting place of St. Dwynwen, the Welsh patron saint of lovers.

Other highpoints include a weekend course with the amazing David Gordon.

David is the patron saint of what it takes to unpick how somebody does something and to then make that ability accessible to others.

Interestingly, David holds that there is a kind of heirarchy to ability, starting with Beliefs (our internal guiding ideas about cause and effect and meaning) and ending with External Behaviour. This means that if you meet someone who is really good at something and want to find out how they do it, you need to place most emphasis not on asking what they do, but asking about what they believe in, about what makes them tick.

Contrast that with another highlight of my last two weeks, where at a charity event I met the very likeable Theo Paphitis of BBC’s Dragons Den.

During the course of the evening people were asking Theo the secrets of his success and he gave a couple of lighthearted plugs for his new book, and I noticed that his “how to…” answers were primarily about patterns of behavour e.g. “break things down into bite-sized chunks”. That’s useful, but according to David Gordon, it won’t give you the information you need if you really want to make millions the Theo Paphitis way.

Later, somebody challenged Theo’s involvement and some of his passion for business began to show through. He spoke passionately about what it’s like to “…put your name to something…that my business IS me…” - much more useful for understanding and then replicating his outstanding business achievements, I think.

I’ll say more about that charity event next week.

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One observation I was reminded about recently came from being forced over to the side of the road three times on consecutive days by oncoming traffic along a narrow country lane, despite already trying to drive as close to the side as I could. I wondered if I was somehow driving differently along that road this week…

I often see tall, physically powerful male clients for coaching, and it sometimes happens that they are not making the most of their “presence” - in fact, they often seem to be trying to hide it or compensate for it, perhaps having observed that being naturally big and having a loud voice can sometimes be frightening to other people.

And of course, this tendency to not fully inhabit all of what we are, because of some fear about the impact it’ll have on people, is not limited to big blokes. I’m also lucky enough, for example, to work with some very smart, driven and entrepreneurial women - and they also sometimes hide those parts of themselves that they feel others might find unnacceptable. This doesn’t help them be successful in their business and it doesn’t really help the people around them either. Their employees already know that they’re driven and demanding and scarily smart - that may even be why they took the job. Surely it’s best for all concerned to be true to who you are and then to deal with the consequences of that.

How about you - is there any part of you that gets hidden in case other people might find it frightening or unacceptable in some way?

… And as an experiment, I tried driving slightly nearer the middle of the road.
Result: oncoming drivers stopped pushing me over and began a sort of vehicular negotiation about how we could both get along the road at the same time.

By the way, I’ll be on holiday as this post is published, see you sometime later.